Even if you don’t.

There have been so many people passing away lately that it makes me think and wonder, and sometimes worry. Friends committing suicide and family dying from diseases. Every time I hear about someone, I think about my mother. Thanks to God she is still alive after 2 years, even though she is still going through chemotherapy and radiation. Since her diagnosis, several people have passed away of diseases in our close family and friends.

And when I hear about people committing suicide, I think about my brother. He is still living far away from us and is doing well, by the grace of God. But I remember when the times were hard for him, and he could have been in the same position, feeling there was no way out of his situation.

As I was thinking about these things today, my heart was hurting. I was thinking about the pain others are feeling and what would happen if I had to feel the same hurt. And as I was walking, a picture popped in my head of clouds. clouds_largeIt’s been almost 10 years since I was in a boating accident. I could have lost my leg or my life. When I realized that the propeller cut my leg, all the noise around me faded away. I was floating on the water, waiting for someone to help me back on the boat. Time stood still and I looked up at the clouds. I was trying to keep myself calm so I took long breaths. It was as if God stopped everything around me and told me to just breathe. I still remember the look of those clouds, even though they were blurry because I didn’t have my glasses on. I still look at the clouds and remember, and I take deep breaths whenever things happens that I can’t control.

There’s something powerful about songs that talk about the reality of life. It connects us with someone else’s situations when we feel that we are alone in our own struggles. Life is not always about the happy times. It’s about the hard times we have to press through to get back up. The song Even If by MercyMe is a song that I keep on playing to remind me when worry tries to come. When people questionGod and ask “why would God allow this to happen?”, I wish I had answers that would relieve their sorrow. But only God has the answers. I just hope I can see every situation in God’s eyes.

Fear can come at us in every direction, but if we have the hope that God will bring us through, nothing can stop us from getting back up.

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t,
My hope is You alone.
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word.
But even if You don’t,
My hope is You alone.