The trip to California did not turn out as I thought it would. There’s something about expecting something to happen, only for it to turn into something else. It’s a bittersweet feeling that could easily turn bad, but I hope I can grasp all the good.
I went to California with the goal of working towards a worship pastor position in a bible college. This is something I have always wanted to do, to play worship music for a living. This process of finding out about the position and flying over to visit took only one month. Between July 25th until the end of August, I took every step of every day to accomplish little things to prepare for this event. Everything seemed like it was going smoothly. Everyone was supportive, and soon enough I was on my way to California alone.
The whole thing felt like a dream until I boarded the plane. I still can’t believe I flew across the country to try out for the position. It was even harder to find out that I did not get the position. It was tough playing for the rest of the week, knowing that I would have to go home.
Ever since I’ve been back, the people in Oakland have been on my mind. The students are learning to make a difference in the world, and it created a motivation in me to do the same. I will be praying for Oakland, for SUM, and the students and staff of the college. The trip reminded me of the missions trips I took in 2001 and 2005. You experience a genuine love for the people and the struggles they face. I know it may not be as different as in my home town, but it makes a difference when you see things with new eyes in a new place. The problems are the same, only the people are different.There are times when I feel upset about the whole situation. But I know there is a reason for all of this. I connected with so many great students. I hope they stay committed to their work and graduate with honors. They know to put their trust in God, especially in the area they live at in Oakland. I really wished I could have helped them through. I loved the change of atmosphere that I felt when travelling to a new place. I do see myself traveling more. It was refreshing to have a change of pace, to live on my own and to meet new people.
Now I am back to the same question: God, what am I doing now? I have always asked this every time I went through life-changing events: high school, graduating with my AA, graduating with my BA. Life is a constant searching for what’s next. But instead of wandering around, reaching for the next best thing, I will be sitting still, knowing God will show me what’s next. He knows what’s best. At the same time I don’t want to be idle. I want to keep moving. I don’t want to lose the desire inside of me to do more.